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blogsActors Are Dummiesby Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/6/08
This evening in rehearsal I brought the actors some cake. Actually, I brought them an entirely untouched birthday cake that was purchased for my grandmother who celebrated her 96th birthday today.
The reason the cake was untouched is that after we finished lunch and sang happy birthday, but before blowing out the candles, my grandmother asked if her cake was a carrot cake. Upon discovering that it was not a carrot cake, but a chocolate-frosted yellow cake, my grandmother started screaming “Yellow cake is for dummies!” over and over.
While I realize that at 96 you are entitled to have whatever type of cake you want, I have to say I felt she was being a tad unappreciative. No one in the family had any idea she had such strong feelings about cake.
After listening to her scream for about a minute, I offered to run out and get her another cake. In response, she turned, looked me in the eye and began screaming, “You dummy!” over and over and over again. I mean, she wouldn’t stop. She just kept repeating “you dummy” nonstop at the top of her lungs. And what’s particularly bothersome about this is the fact that I wasn’t the one who brought the cake.
I tried to explain this to her, but she just pointed at me and screamed “You dummy!” even louder. Finally, the rest of my family suggested that I leave and take the cake with me. I have to admit I was a little hurt that everyone wanted me to go, but I could sort of see their point. My grandmother had been screaming “you dummy” at me for almost five minutes. So finally, I packed up the cake and gathered my things to go.
As I was leaving, in a last ditch effort, I told my grandmother that I was sorry I’d upset her and hoped she had a happy birthday. I thought maybe I’d gotten through to her because she finally stopped screaming and just looked at me.
Then, after several seconds of quiet reflection, she turned to everyone at the table and said “I never liked him.”
The actors were a little perplexed when I gave them a birthday cake that read “Happy 96th Grandma.” I had the distinct feeling that they thought I was giving them a stolen cake, and that somewhere my grandma was sobbing over her missing dessert. However, it certainly didn’t stop them from devouring the cake.
As I watched the actors eat, I thought about my grandmother’s insistence that “yellow cake is for dummies,” how I am done revising the script, the fact that the future of my play and of my career as a playwright is now in the hands of Brad and the actors, and I silently hoped that my grandmother is wrong on both counts.
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A Real Updateby Brad Dunn, Director on 9/5/08
I thought it might be a good time to provide a real update as to where things stand with the show. Scott and I will continue to snipe at each other in the next entry... It’s not that I mind Uranusby Brad Dunn, Director on 9/4/08
I mean, as a joke, it’s fine. But Metropolis is a community organization, a civic-minded theatre that produces great work on stage, and I’m not sure that our audience out here will enjoy Uranus jokes all that much. I mean sure, we can push the boundaries a bit. Since it’s a late night show, we can get a little rough around the edges. But performing comedy is harder than just writing poo-poo jokes, Scott. I appreciate your attempt to bring your humor to the internet, but without the capacity to perform it, frankly I think it loses some of its umph. If you will. Darb Nnud Si A SuffooD. Sunaru. Sunaru. Sunaru.by Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/3/08
So Brad Dunn, the director of Indecent Proposals, gave me a very stern reprimand for my last blog. He was very unhappy with my mention of Jupiter and Uranus in my last blog. Apparently Brad hates astronomy. I know that because we had a very awkward phone conversation this morning. It went something like this:
Scott: Hello?
Brad: Dude, what’s your problem?
Scott: What do you mean?
Brad: You can’t say Uranus in your blog!
Scott: I can’t?
Brad: Dude, you know you can’t.
Scott. Oh. Can I say Neptune?
Brad: (Deep breath) I hate you.
(Click.)
Okay, so I know I can be a little immature. But I have this theory that all the things I do that make Brad so angry with me in “real life” are the same things that make our theater collaboration work so well. I write things that tend to be (slightly) outrageous, and Brad takes them and brings them to life on stage in this sincere and compelling manner that makes the scenes way, way funnier than they are on paper.
I think (hope) that’s what is going to make Indecent Proposals so funny. I am very fortunate to be able to collaborate with such a smart and talented director.
So I would like to take this moment and apologize to Brad for anything I have said or written that may have offended him. Particularly the title of this blog, which, when read backwards, contains a secret message.
the truthby Brad Dunn, Director on 9/3/08
The thing that Scott neglected to mention was that he had to go to Starbucks because his wife came home and heard him yelling in his best trashy female voice, “Kill that *&^%$!” ; “Kill that -----!”; “Kill that ~@#$!” Writing Comedy Isn't Easyby Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/2/08
It’s not easy to write comedy. There are literally hundreds of ways to ruin a joke (which I know from experience), such as a weak punch-line, lack of timing, going too far or not far enough, a bad set-up, and choosing the wrong word.
A lot of people aren’t aware how important a single word can be.
For example, saying “Your mouth is as big as Jupiter” is not nearly as funny as saying “Your mouth is as big as Uranus.” (I wonder if I’m allowed to say Uranus. Brad’s probably going to yell at me again.) Uranus is just naturally a funny word, and when writing a comedy, you obviously want to do everything in your power to make people laugh, so the goal is to get rid of as many Jupiters as you can and fill your script with Uranuses (Uranusi?) as possible.
One line from Indecent Proposals that was particularly troublesome for me involves a female character screaming out, “Kill that -------!” For the life of me, I could not come up with a word to put in that blank that seemed funny and would fit the character – a twenty-something trashy woman.
After hours of frustration, I typed a list on my laptop of possible sentence endings, all of them falling under the heading of what I’ll euphemistically call the “expletive category.” After I finished the list, I took it and began to say the lines out loud as if I was a trashy twenty-something female (which wasn't easy), each time finishing the sentence with a different expletive.
So there I was, staring at my laptop, yelling over and over in my best trashy female voice, “Kill that *&^%$!” ; “Kill that -----!”; “Kill that ~@#$!” Until finally, I found the perfect word.
Unfortunately, in my mixture of frustration and enthusiasm, I had forgotten I was at the Palatine Starbucks, and for the last 20 minutes, I had been screaming “Kill that (random curse word)” in a falsetto voice in a room full of suburban moms, all of whom were staring at me as if I was, well, a 6’6” white male who had been shrieking “Kill that ----!” while doing my best female impersonation.
I tried to explain what happened to the manager, but shockingly, she didn’t find it very funny and asked me to leave.
The rest of the play was finished at Caribou Coffee.
This Show Is a Bad Idea!by Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/1/08
Four years ago, I married into a blue collar, Italian family. Since that time, it’s become increasingly apparent my In-laws don’t think that they lost a daughter, but rather, they’ve gained another daughter due to three masculine shortcomings they feel I have. 1.) I’m a vegetarian. I’m not preachy or militant about it, my wife’s not a vegetarian, and I’ve never tried to convert her (or anyone for that matter), but man does it infuriate them. They like to invite us to dinner and try and sneak flank steak in whatever they’re serving in the hopes I’ll eat it. (Part of me worries it’s Draino, but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.) 2.) When something breaks, I can’t fix it myself. This alone would drive my in-laws nuts, but I compound the problem by not calling them. I actually pay a repairman. They can’t understand why I ‘d rather pay a stranger to fix something and leave, then have my father-in-law come over and tell me repeatedly that in Italy even the 4-year old girls know how to fix a toilet, shingle a roof, lay the foundation for a new sub-basement etc., 3.) I wear my wife’s clothes. Kidding. No, the worst thing I do, the number one cardinal sin that makes them think I’m not a man is…. I value my wife's opinion. My in-laws very much have a 1950’s sensibility when it comes to how women should conduct themselves and how men should relate to them.
Things got especially bad last January which I like to term “The Winter of What Kind of Man.” What kind of man can’t fix the furnace? What kind of man lets his wife talk to him like that? What kind of man doesn’t eat beef shank? “ For everything I did, there was a “What kind of Man…?” And for a long time, I took the high road and didn’t respond, but finally, after months and months something cracked. A little voice in me said, I”LL SHOW YOU “WHAT KIND OF MAN!! THE KIND OF MAN THAT PUTS HIS IN-LAWS IN HIS NEXT PLAY!!!”
And so I did, and I captured them as accurately and unbiased as possible. And as characters in a play, they’re really funny. I mean really funny. The actors love playing them, the director loves delving into their characters, and I love watching them all have discussions like “What do you think these character’s motivation is for being so awful to each other?”
And the bigger the characters get, the greater the delight I take. It is validation, vindication and I can’t think of another “v-word”, but it’s that too. I’m great to see I'm not the only one who thinks they’re absolutely nuts and loves laughing at them.
Unfortunately, something completely unforeseen (and straight out of a sitcom) happened last night. I was having dinner with my in-laws, and my mother-in-law started telling me how the daughter of one of her friends came to my last show and couldn’t stop talking about how much she enjoyed it. So much so, that they all got to talking and my mother-in-law brought tickets to opening night for the entire extended family.
Not good.
On Becoming a Playwrightby Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/1/08
I wrote my very first play when I was in fifth grade.
It was performed for my family, my friends, and my friends’ moms; although I must admit they were somewhat of a captive audience. We were all gathered at the long defunct Goodman’s Restaurant in Northbrook to celebrate my tenth birthday.
We had just finished watching the magical stylings of “The Amazing Bob,” and I was opening my final present and was incredibly dismayed to discover that it was not the Atari 2600 video game system I had been hoping for, but rather, yet another brown sweater, only distinguished from the dozen others I had already received by the fact that this one had a yellow parakeet on it (because nothing says cool like a yellow parakeet). In fact, I was so dismayed that I jumped up onto my feet and launched myself into my very first play.
The play featured two characters, and I played them both. Character One was a spoiled and miserable ten-year old boy named Scotty who did not get an Atari 2600 for his birthday as he had asked. Character Two was the mother of the ten year old boy.
In order to help distinguish between the two characters, for the character of Mom, I shoved my fists into my shirt and stretched it forward at about chest level in order to give myself a more feminine appearance and talked in a falsetto voice while my mother and the mothers of my friends stared on in slack-jawed horror and disgust. The play went something like this:
Mother: Hey, Scotty. Happy Birthday. Here are your presents.
Scotty: Awesome! I hope one of those boxes is an Atari 2600!
Mother: Nope! They’re all sweaters, except for that new Dictionary and the Encyclopedia Brown books! You know how you love Encyclopedia Brown!
Scotty: What! Are you kidding me?! Encyclopedia Brown’s the worst!
Mother: Scotty, reading’s good for you!
Scotty: So is having friends, Mom! Why can't I get a present that's not gonna get me whaled on!
The play ended when the playwright’s mother dragged him by his ear into the Women’s Bathroom (another tremendous indignation), and administered a vigorous pummeling. The playwright then had to go out and deliver a teary-eyed apology to his friends and their mothers and tell them that the party was over.
If you have read my first blog, you’ll understand that I expect Indecent Proposals to end much the same way.
Political discourse that’s fit to shareby Brad Dunn, Director on 8/29/08
So much political discourse these days tends to be pretty biting and harsh, whether one way or the other. And being that Metropolis is a community organization, I think the proper stance is one that is polite, and neutral. But a beautiful and awesome little piece of work has come along that I think is amazing and worthy of showing to anyone. I’d like to share it here. There’s a poem in this showby Brad Dunn, Director on 8/28/08
Something that you may not know about Scott Woldman is that he is a wicked-excellent poetry writer and performer. He’s been a finalist at the National Poetry slam competition as part of Chicago’s National Poetry Slam team, and was a regular at the Greenmill’s weekly poetry slam competition. The Greenmill, by the by, is the birthplace of Slam Poetry. Two instances of technology helping process: Or, how I learned to stop worrying and enjoy having a great Stage Manager.by Brad Dunn, Director on 8/26/08
Several nights ago, we were rehearsing a scene that involves a very popular, well-known song. We didn't have the actual song yet, because rehearsals just got started a week ago, and we're only blocking the scenes right now (putting in the physical movement of the actors). But as it turned out, having the song would have been great for helping the actor, Geoffrey Carlson, work out his timing for a joke. As I was talking to the actors, Geoffrey and Michelle Weissgerber, about the scene, my Stage Manager, the wonderful Allison Orr, opened up iTunes on her MacBook, bought the song. She had it cued up to the exact spot by the time we ran the scene again. I didn’t even know she did it. But all of a sudden the song started playing right on cue. It was great. My Director Says I Can't Write.by Scott Woldman, Writer on 8/22/08
Okay, that may not be a hundred percent accurate. Brad Dunn, the director of Indecent Proposals, didn’t tell me that I can’t write, but rather suggested quite strongly that I should try to write more about “the creative process” of writing Indecent Proposals. He feels that I should try to avoid personal anecdotes and talk more about how Indecent Proposals came to be written.
I certainly don’t wish to upset Brad. Besides being a talented actor and director who has been involved with all of my shows, I consider him a good friend. If Brad wants me to avoid personal anecdotes and focus more on how I wrote Indecent Proposals, I can certainly do that. I mean, the last thing I want to do is upset my director.
Okay. How I wrote Indecent Proposals sans anecdotes.
Indecent Proposals had its beginning sometime during the summer of 1980, just before I entered sixth grade. That was when I really started noticing how much I liked having an audience. My father had just given me my first over-the-head monster mask. It had big alien bug-eyes, fangs and long gray hair. The eyes bugged out in such a way that you couldn’t see the eyes of the wearer. It was pretty gruesome and very realistic (i.e. It rocked!). I had been trying to scare my mom for about a week straight and she was pretty tired of me popping out of the pantry, or the laundry room, or her closet, and felt I needed to go play outside with my brother, Jon.
So I took my brother and my monster mask and went outside. Not really being one for sports, I decided it would be fun to try and scare oncoming traffic with my mask. Therefore, Jon and I stood on the curb and I pretended to strangle him while wearing the monster mask. Hilarious! Unfortunately, although it was fun for awhile, more people were laughing than were truly being frightened. I decided I needed to go bigger.
I went inside and got my sister’s white comforter and a bottle of ketchup. First, I doused the comforter. Then, I stood on top of the fire hydrant in front of the house and draped the blanket over myself and the hydrant, so I looked about 7 feet tall. Then I made Jon cover himself with ketchup and lie at my feet. Talk about immediate results!
Cars were swerving , honking and stopping to stare. A couple people even pulled over to see if Jon was alive. In less than twenty minutes, I must have been called “sick” by almost a dozen people (very awesome)! Unfortunately, one of those people must have called the police, because in short order, a squad car pulled up, a police officer got out and made me get off the hydrant and give him my mask and my blanket. That was when my brother, who was still covered with ketchup and playing dead started screaming. Apparently, he was lying on an anthill and I guess ants love ketchup. Who knew?
Boy, was my mother angry when she opened the door to see a police officer hosing down my brother. Then she saw the comforter. I was grounded for the entire summer.
And from there, I’m sure it’s quite obvious how Indecent Proposals came to be written.
p.s. Brad, I hope this is okay. Let me know!!
So, does this mean we should change our Facebook status?by Brad Dunn, Director on 8/21/08
We began last night telling stories of relationship beginnings and endings. One of our actresses told a great story. During that awesomely awkward period of dating when both people are clearly smitten, but no official status has been unanimously recognized, she had to introduce her boyfriend to someone they ran into at the mall. But since he wasn’t yet officially her boyfriend, she introduced him as “dude.” [ED. NOTE: She used his name, I’m calling him dude here] The Writerby Brad Dunn, Director on 8/20/08
If I haven’t made this clear yet, Scott Woldman, the playwright of this show is a very talented guy and a good friend. He’s also going to be joining me on this blog, which should make things much more interesting. first rehearsalby Brad Dunn, Director on 8/18/08
A few facts: This will be the fourth show that Scott Woldman has written. I've been involved in all of them. I was in Thinking with Your Head... Men Exposed and Dates from Hell, and I directed Speed Dating the Musical. This show, Indecent Proposals, I am also directing. 'tis doneby Brad Dunn, Director on 3/30/08
I couldn’t feel more ecstatic about, or proud of, last night. I feel completely fulfilled today. Milestone Weekby Brad Dunn, Director on 3/16/08
Today was full of interruptions, sitting around, and was very productive. Stumbling throughby Brad Dunn, Director on 3/9/08
Thursday March 6 was our “off-book” day. This is the day the actors are expected to have all their lines memorized and to rehearse without a script. Though they are allowed to call for a line. We also ran our first “Stumble-throughs” during the week. a productive and exhausting weekby Brad Dunn, Director on 3/2/08
We spent three nights solidifying the choreography for the show this week. Kristen (Jacobson) has been doing an amazing job dealing with having nine characters who are all equal in importance. She hasn't had the luxury of having people she could push upstage and get out of the way. Instead, with it being an ensemble piece, all the characters are constantly dancing across, up and down stage, switching partners, and the focus is constantly shifting. a live test and a long dayby Brad Dunn, Director on 2/27/08
We had a great opportunity today to put scenes and songs up in front of a live audience. Fremd High School in Palatine has an event they call Writer's Week, which Scott had performed at before. It showcases literary works of students as well as published authors, lectures and other arts types. week twoby Brad Dunn, Director on 2/24/08
There are many components to a musical - singing, dancing, script and character work. Speed Dating adds a few others into the mix, including improvised bits and some minor combat. It's a lot to cover for sure. first weekby Brad Dunn, Director on 2/17/08
It was certainly not the week I expected. George Winston's visitby Robin M. Hughes, Director on 12/18/07
Hello, all! This is my first blog entry as Metropolis' Casting Director and Company Manager. I have worked at Metropolis since 2002 when I came to Metropolis' first general season auditions. Since then I directed and acted in many productions at Metropolis and have taught acting and private coaching classes with the School of Performing Arts. I have had such a wonderful time working at the theatre and have seen many facets of it as it has changed over the years. My newest position at the theatre as Company Manager has been an amazing venture, and I have had the pleasure to work with many artists and actors at the theatre this year, including Koko Taylor, Denny Diamond, Poi Dog, and the casts of High School Musical, A Christmas Carol, Speed Dating and most recently Deathtrap, which started rehearsal last week. Our latest artist to arrive at Metropolis, George Winston, appeared last night to a sell out crowd (one of our fastest sellouts in MPAC history). George Winston has been my favorite musical artist for 23 years! Needless to say I have been excited about his visit for months now. Mr. Winston creates his own play list leading up to a performance which changes with each venue, and even his own tour manager does not know exactly which songs may be played each night. His concert was a compilation of pieces that are signature numbers for George, such as "Carol of the Bells" and "Landscape", interspersed with pieces that are tributes to jazz greats of the past. And, wow, the harmonica piece! Indescribable! In his pieces he gives as much attention to the use of silences and stillness, as he does to the riffs that he creates. I know every note of some of those pieces in my mind, and it was great to hear the variations and extensions on the themes that he develops from his own pieces. He told me after the concert that he has been working on the Laura Nyro piece for 37 years and has finally finished it. And the music that involves playing both the piano both on the outside AND inside the piano had an astounding affect on the way that the song sounded and reverberated. (For those who were there, remember the rhythmic repetition of the treble keys he played as he plucked out the melody from within?) George Winston's music is so inspiring that it threw me back to my younger years of teenage angst when I drove around in my father's mini-pickup with my George Winston tape playing at full blast over the speakers while I dashed to rehearse whatever the latest production I was in. I spent hours on the piano creating my own music filled with what I thought at the time was at least a shadow of the emotion and soul that Mr. Winston's music echoed. And I came near to flunking a music theory class in college because I was spending more time trying to compose music than learn the technique of how to compose. And here he was at Metropolis in this intimate venue (at the back of the theatre I was only 8 rows from George Winston) where even one sniffle from an audience member seems to interrupt the deafening silence that the audience held while listening raptly to each number. (Please don't open candy in a George Winston concert ever again - you know who you are!) Close enough to enjoy the percussive accompaniment of his stocking feet pounding out a rhythm with each song. Part of my job as Company Manager is to make sure that every aspect of an artist's visit at our performing arts centre runs smoothly. I take care of all aspects of hospitality, like booking hotels, ordering food, setting up their dressing room according to their contract. Mr. Winston was the easiest artist I have managed yet, a kind and unassuming individual performing in jeans, sweatshirt and socks (no shoes!), who is truly about the music, not the "show" part of show business. Interesting tidbits about Mr. Winston's visit is that he is likes only lamps, no overhead lighting. He loves Steinways to perform on the best. He has to stay in a room that the windows open - for the fresh air. And he practices the piano and his other instruments every night from 12-5:00am, even on nights that he performs! He and his tour manager, Larry Rust, are some of the kindest and easy going individuals, and it was a pleasure to meet and work with them. I look forward to seeing him again next year - because, guess what, yes, he is returning next season for two shows in December! Until then, best wishes to Mr. Winston and Larry Rust while they tour, and safe travel back to us for the holidays. Robin M. Hughes Casting Director/Company Manager - Metropolis And on the subject of everyone having just metby Brad Dunn, Director on 12/10/07
That's one of my favorite things about theatre. A large group of people convene, many having never met one another, and then just get to work. There's no other profession like it. Where else do you walk into a room and begin making tiger sounds and kitten claws at someone else and it's fully accepted and supported. IT'S ALIVE!by Brad Dunn, Director on 12/8/07
It's unbelievable. I always thought the script was funny. From the first time I read it to the 15th time - always funny. But it's just not the same as hearing it out loud, with real voices. first read-throughby Brad Dunn, Director on 12/7/07
Tomorrow we're having a read-through of the show. All the actors but one will be there to meet, read, work on a bit of music, digest some of the script and do a quick read-performance of the musical. A fear I likeby Brad Dunn, Director on 11/7/07
Rehearsals begin February 12, which is an insanely long time from now. the first entry... ever.by Brad Dunn, Director on 10/12/07
This is the first-ever Metropolis Performing Arts Centre blog entry. Not an exciting lead-off sentence, but factual. |
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