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blogsNo Titleby Brad Dunn, Director on 9/29/08
This is very normal. Going into the last two weeks before a show opens I become mentally inundated and I usually stop all other outside activity. The show opened two days ago – so now I have time to breathe - and write. 2 Comments
by Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/21/08
This morning, Jim Jarvis, the Executive Director of the Metropolis, and I did an interview on WGN radio to promote Indecent Proposals. Many people don’t realize that Jim is actually very talented and used to be a tremendously funny guy – in fact, Jim and I used to do a two person story-telling show called Bikerman and The Jewish Avenger. Unfortunately, in order to become the big-wig that he is now, Jim had to have his sense of humor surgically removed. It’s a shame really.
Tonight I am doing an interview with Jack Helbig from the Daily Herald. I can’t give him a hard time like I give Jim and Brad because he might come review the show. Therefore, it’s in my best interest to suck up to him which is why I am going to change my daughter’s name from Mia to “Helbig-inicia.”
The actors and the director have a spacing rehearsal tonight – that means they will be working on where to stand on stage as to date, all our rehearsals have been in a rehearsal room.
Since there is nothing really for me to do at the spacing rehearsal, I am going to go see Batman. I have been waiting a long time to see it. My daughter, Helbig-inicia, was born the opening night of Batman – July 17. I think she did that on purpose so I couldn’t see it. She is always doing stuff like that.
For example, yesterday, I tried to bring Baby Helbig-inicia to rehearsal and she pooped all over both of us so I had to leave. Hopefully that is not an omen of some sort.
One thing I did learn – guys, if you ever want to impress 20-something female actors, be sure to carry a baby with you. Maybe I will open a small business called “Rent-a-baby.” Parents get free babysitting, single guys get to meet the women of their dreams. It’s a win-win for everyone.
At the very least, it could be my next play.
by Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/17/08
It is a week and a half from opening, and as I was looking through my computer files tonight for some sort of inspiration for the blog, I came across something I wrote during the summer of 2000. It's sort of a diary entry to myself that no one has ever seen as, at the time that I wrote it, blogging had yet to be invented (that’s a strange thought).
The diary entry chronicles the pivotal event that directly led to my becoming a playwright. At the time it happened, there was absolutely no way anyone could convince me that there might be any kind of silver lining.
Ever.
In all honesty, it may be the single most horrifyingly embarrassing moment of my life. It was so humiliating, I wrote it down, never expecting to share it, but more as some sort of self-therapy.
You see, I never actually wanted to be a playwright. I wanted to be a comedic actor who worked his way into Second City and ultimately, to the pinnacle of comedic acting – Saturday Night Live.
Like many comedic actors, I studied and took classes in improvisational comedy at Improv Olympic (now called I.O.). The way I.O. works is that once you are through taking their course of classes, which last several months, you can perform on their stage with a troupe of other improvisers as long as you are funny.
If your troupe is funny, you can continue performing. If your team is not, you get shown the door pretty quickly.
At the time that I was there, 1999-2000, the woman who decided your comedic fate was Charna Halpern. Charna is the owner of I.O. and is a difficult woman to impress, having probably seen more wanna-be comedians than anyone in the world. Charna would come watch your show, and then decide if either you or were worth keeping around.
Below is the diary entry I wrote that chronicles the fateful evening when Charna came to see me, the evening that ended my improv career.
I am going to present the unedited version just as I wrote it in 2000, complete with all the spelling and grammar mistakes, as somehow I feel they help convey the utter and abject misery/side-splitting humor of the moment:
Last night Charna, the woman who runs Improv Olympic saw me perform for the first time.
The show could not have been worse. I have been funnier in my sleep.
I don’t think anyone laughed once.
It was the kind of show that makes you want to run out of the theater and hope that you never see anyone who saw it ever again.
So my team finishes and I go sit at the bar were all these veteran improvisers are hanging out. It may have been my imagination, but I swear that Charna, who has never said a word to me, comes up and looks at me, sneers, shakes her head and walks away.
The next team is on stage, but I can’t hear them because I am so wracked with embarrassment and self-loathing that all I can hear is this voice in my head saying “You know the sad thing is you not only choose to do this, you actually pay to do this.”
This girl Rachel is sitting next to me at the bar and she puts her arm around me and tells me to relax, that she’s seen me a bunch of times and everyone, including Charna, knows how funny I am. Rachel even repeats a line I said in my last show that she thought was funny.
Not wanting to appear unappreciative, I try to force myself to cheer up. I mean what the h---, we all sucked. So, I’m sitting on the bar stool, having a drink, trying to watch the team currently on stage, but that little voice keeps getting louder, “Nice job, Scott,” it says. “This sure was money well spent. You’re a comic genius.”
Finally, out of complete frustration, I just start to laugh. I hang my head, lean forward in my chair, close my eyes and tell myself, “Well, at least it’s over. It can’t get any worse.”
I particularly remember that as being the second to last thought I had as I sat there with my eyes closed and felt the chair begin to tip forward.
“Oh god, please no,” was actually the very last thought I had as the momentum increased and the chair flipped forward, launching me into two tables filled with people.
My arms seemed to flail out of control as I fell, hurling my drink across the room, grabbing at the tables in front of me, only succeeding in bringing them and the drinks that rested upon them crashing with me to the floor, soaking me as they fell.
I distinctly remember the complete silence as I laid there face down with my eyes closed, having stopped the performance on stage with my theatrics. In fact, I laid there for about 15 seconds listening to the loudest silence I've ever heard, not moving, hoping that I was seriously injured and would pass out so I wouldn’t have to get up and open my eyes.
But of course, I wasn’t so lucky.
I turned to get up, looking at just about every person in improv who I wouldn’t want to see this, watching me and laughing so hard they couldn’t breath. I think that was kind of a good thing because it prevented them from really commenting on what had just transpired.
As there was no place to hide and as it would be unmanly to run away and/or start to cry I just picked up the chair and sat back down at the bar while people started to applaud.
Charna came up to me and demanded to know if I had been drinking (I hadn't), then precedes to "work" the room, asking everyone I knew if I was an alcoholic or a drug addict.
This is the kind of moment that breaks a man, I thought. The kind of thing that motivates someone to seriously consider becoming an alcoholic. My friends tried to cheer me up, but it’s hard to do that when their laughter prevented them from being able to speak.
Finally, the show continued and ended, at least I think it did as thoughts of taking my own life really prevented me from paying attention to anything. Interestingly, people who never spoke to me before came up to me with praise for my fine performance, offering me hugs, pats on the back and the occasional high five.
Sadly, the night finally drew to a close, and I left the warm friendly confines of Improv Olympic with the words of my coach echoing through my head.
“Look at it this way. You ended up getting the best laugh of the night.”
I never performed at I.O. again. Charna had me removed from my team and asked me not to return.
Not knowing what else to do, I started doing scripted shows and performance poetry (which I only discovered because I was the bouncer at the Green Mill). I wish I could say something inspiring about how I had this drive never to quit, but that would be sort of untrue. I wanted to quit lots of times.
In fact, I often would say to myself 'what’s the point of this if I’m never going to be on “Saturday Night Live.”' But each time I was about to quit, someone from my days at I.O. would ask me to write something, or someone would ask me to audition, until finally, one night, Tim Rater, the former Executive Director at the Metropolis asked me if I wanted to try writing a late night show. He had this idea about bringing late-night theater to Arlington Heights, and the former coach of my improv team, Jim Jarvis, was the marketing director for the Metropolis at the time and recommended me to Tim.
So while I guess it would be dishonest for me to say I had this “never say die attitude,” the bottom line is I never did quit. And interestingly enough, almost ten years later, from among the hundreds of people I went through classed with and performed with at I.O, I only know of four people that are still involved in comedy/theater. 1 is on Saturday Night Live, 1 teaches and performs at I.O, 1 writes for the Colbert Report, and me (I'm sure there are a few others Idon't know about - there's just no way to stay connected to the kabillions of people who were at I.O. Especially if one is too old for Facebook).
And while I certainly don’t have the fame and fortune that the others have achieved, I love what I do, I love seeing the words that I write come to life on stage at the Metropolis, and I am grateful for the opportunity that all the people at the Metropolis have given me. There is no way to describe how it feels to sit in the back of the theater and watch the audience react to something I wrote.
In the nine years since that fateful night at I.O. I have changed quite a bit, I went back to school and got my teaching degree and became a middle-school teacher, I’ve gotten married, I’ve bought a house, my wife just gave birth to our daughter, and while I can’t say that I don’t feel a little twinge of regret every time I turn on Saturday Night Live, I have to think that if it wasn’t for that fall, there’s probably a 99.9999% chance I would be out of comedy/theater completely.
I’m not sure if there’s a message in all this (Don’t give up? Do your best to interupt a cabaret show?), but I get asked all the time how I got to be a playwright. Usually, I give some high-fallutin’ answer about reading and writing and hard-work. But it wasn't until tonight, when I found the above diary entry that I had purposely blocked out of my mind, that it really dawned on me.
It was the perfect mixture of stupidity, clumsiness, humiliation, networking and talent.
I hope you’ll come out and see Indecent Proposals and see where that fall has led. And if you see a tall (and clumsy) guy with a shaved head in the back of the theater, please say hello.
My Inlaws Part IIby Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/12/08
My In-Laws Part II
Some of the actors from the show wanted to know just how closely the characters in Indecent Proposals that are based upon my in-laws resemble them. Apparently, they feel that the characters are just too “over-the-top.”
Therefore, I have decided to present some of the high-lights from my real-life experiences with my in-laws so that you (and the actors) will know that the characters in the play are pretty darn realistic.
In no particular order…
· The first time I met my in-laws, within the first five minutes of our visit, my wife’s brother came running into the room, and with absolutely no introduction to me, or a single word to anyone for that matter, he ran up to my father-in-law, wound up and slapped him in the face harder than I’ve ever seen one human slap another. My father in-law stood up, grappled with my brother-in-law then picked him up and threw him into a china cabinet. Once he regained consciousness, they all had a good laugh about it.
· After we had been dating for about a year, my wife’s family went to Italy for several weeks. Upon their return, we went to visit them. My mother-in-law presented me with a small box wrapped with a beautiful ribbon – a gift she had purchased for me while in Italy. Inside was a gold chain with a beautiful and ornate gold cross. The problem is I’m Jewish (of which she was well aware). When I “reminded” her of this, her response was “So? Everyone wears a cross.” When I told her I couldn’t accept it, I was dead to her for almost 6 weeks.
· After my wife and I moved in together, my father-in-law asked me to go on a walk with him. Once we were outside, he asked me if I planned to marry his daughter. When I told him that we hadn’t talked about that yet, he put his arm around my neck, wrenched me forward, and whispered “I think that would be the best solution.”
· About a month after my wife and I moved in together, my mother-in-law asked me where I slept. After I told her the bedroom, she then asked me where her daughter slept, to which I again replied, “The bedroom.” At that point, she burst into tears and began sobbing and cursing in Italian. After about a half-hour, in which she worked herself up into a hyperventilating fit, she locked herself in our bedroom and refused to leave until I agreed to swear on the bible that I would sleep on the couch. When she learned we didn’t have a bible, she called her sister-in-law who apparently has an extensive bible collection. The sister-in-law came right over and the four of us performed some sort of voo-doo ceremony in which I agreed to give up my soul should I not sleep on the couch.
· My wife’s mother was adamant that we name our daughter after her. Except the thing is, her first name is Ledoina – which is pronounced pretty much as “little ween-ah.” Now, as a junior high school teacher, I know what kids would do to a child with a name like that, and I promise you, it’s not pretty. Two years ago, there was a boy named Lindsay at the school where I teach. I think he changed his name to Rocco. There’s no doubt in my mind that some day we’ll be reading about him in the newspapers. When I said no to my mother-in-law, I was again dead to her for almost two months.
· At my wife’s birthday, my father in-law couldn’t be bothered to get candles for the cake. Instead, he rolled up a newspaper and lit it on the gas range. As he was walking to the table while holding the newspaper- torch away from his body, he walked past my wife and lit her head on fire. In order to put the fire out, my mother-in-law threw handfuls of flour at my wife’s head, sending her into a fit of sneezing and covering everyone at the table in a smoky white powder. My wife’s shoulder length tresses need to be trimmed to a military-style buzz cut.
· On our wedding night, my mother-in-law insisted we step outside for a toast. She poured me a special drink that she made herself. Being the idiot that I am, I swallowed an enormous gulp prior to asking what was in the drink. After the gulp, which tasted absolutely hideous, my mother-in-law told me I had just drunk some sort of horrible old-world love potion that was designed to help us conceive, the ingredients of which are far too horrific to share in this forum, but are far more repugnant than anything, and I mean ANYTHING, you can ever imagine. EVER! I’m talking worse than the most awful incidence of college-fraternity related hazing. I’m talking honest to goodness Brothers Grimm, deep-woods, ritualistic alchemy, ingredients so disgusting they’d make you want to gargle with bleach and holy water, so awful in fact, that I have never revealed to anyone outside my wife that I have ingested them. And the worst thing about it, the potion didn’t even come close to working.
So yes, the characters are definitely over-the-top, but I have to say, as over the top as they may be, they're pretty close to the real thing.
Dirty Talk With Micah Fortenberryby Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/11/08
During rehearsal tonight, Director Brad was trying to get one of the actors, Micah Fortenberry, to improvise a few lines in one of the scenes.
Now, not only is Micah a supremely talented actor, he is also one of the nicest and most genuinely good-hearted people I have ever met. He’s so nice that sometimes when I’m around him, I feel like I should apologize for the things I've made him do both in this show and in SpeeDating The Musical.
In SpeeDating, there was a scene in which Micah had to lunge across the stage and passionately kiss one of the female actors. He was clearly uncomfortable, so Brad started giving him some direction about how to lunge in a way that showed “desperation, but wasn’t predatory.” (While no one was terribly surprised to discover Brad was a fountain of knowledge when it came to desperation, his expertise on how not to look like a predator made everyone in the room a tad uncomfortable.) After Brad finished describing the creepy nuances of his college years, Micah kind of looked down at his feet, smiled, looked back up, a slight blush coloring his cheeks and said, “Thanks, Brad. It’s my first stage kiss.” It was such an honest and genuine thing to say, even the guys in the room let out an “Awwwww.” And even better, his lunge and kiss became one of the highlights of the show.
In Indecent Proposals, Micah has to do something equally “romantic,” but a little bit more sophomoric (my happy euphemism for raunchy). Brad wanted Micah to come up with some improvised lines that would let his scene-partner know how skilled Micah’s character thought he was in the romance department (something crude and conceited), and Micah was struggling because he would never say anything like that in real life. So Brad stopped the action to ask what was the matter. Their ensuing conversation went like this:
Brad: Micah, is everything okay?
Micah: Yes.
Brad: Well, I really need you to say something here, and you’re not
saying anything.
Micah: Oh, well, I mean, I don’t want to be vulgar.
Brad: No, it’s okay. Be vulgar.
Micah: Really? Be vulgar?
Brad: I think that’s the wrong question. It’s already vulgar. It just
needs to be ridiculously vulgar.
Micah: Ridiculously vulgar?
Brad: Trust me, I’ve done stuff like this (on stage), and it’s only funny
if it’s ridiculously vulgar.
(Micah’s brow actually furrowed as he searched through the recesses of his mind for something, anything, that might qualify as ridiculously vulgar.)
Micah: Okay. I’ve got something.
Brad: You sure?
Micah: Yeah. It’s really vulgar.
Brad: Okay, I can’t wait to hear it.
And neither could I and the rest of the cast. Micah and his scene partner (Michelle) began running the scene from the top, and all of us were on the edge of our seats, waiting to hear what Micah would say. Finally, the moment of truth came. Micah grabbed Michelle, kissed her, and then opened his mouth to speak…and out came the most amazing thing I've ever heard. The entire room exploded with laughter, and Micah and Michelle had to stop rehearsing the scene because everyone was laughing so hard that no one could speak.
And what was particular interesting is that what he said, while being uproariously funny, was one of the least vulgar or suggestive things I’ve ever heard. It’s the kind of thing you could say in church and no one would blink an eye, but in the context of the scene, coupled with Micah’s delivery, it could easily end up being the funniest moment of the show.
It would be terribly unfair to Micah to reveal what he said and steal his thunder, so I’m going to keep it to myself (plus this way, you’ll have an added incentive to come see the show), but I haven’t laughed that hard in a long long time.
Kudos, Micah!!
What About This?by Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/10/08
Dear Brad: I have a link for you. http://www.funnyhits.com/main/details.php?image_id=1622 Scott p.s. Here is the other link you referenced in your blog. http://www.metropolisarts.com/index.php/fuseaction/show.details/showid/99/indecent-proposals Using the Internetby Brad Dunn, Director on 9/9/08
Scott got really mad at me today because I sent him a link to the Indecent Proposals page on this website, and he couldn’t get it to work. I told him he didn’t know how to use the internet. He really didn’t like that. Scott is one of the most easy-going guys I know. But he really did not like being told he didn’t know how to use the internet. Actors Are Dummiesby Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/6/08
This evening in rehearsal I brought the actors some cake. Actually, I brought them an entirely untouched birthday cake that was purchased for my grandmother who celebrated her 96th birthday today.
The reason the cake was untouched is that after we finished lunch and sang happy birthday, but before blowing out the candles, my grandmother asked if her cake was a carrot cake. Upon discovering that it was not a carrot cake, but a chocolate-frosted yellow cake, my grandmother started screaming “Yellow cake is for dummies!” over and over.
While I realize that at 96 you are entitled to have whatever type of cake you want, I have to say I felt she was being a tad unappreciative. No one in the family had any idea she had such strong feelings about cake.
After listening to her scream for about a minute, I offered to run out and get her another cake. In response, she turned, looked me in the eye and began screaming, “You dummy!” over and over and over again. I mean, she wouldn’t stop. She just kept repeating “you dummy” nonstop at the top of her lungs. And what’s particularly bothersome about this is the fact that I wasn’t the one who brought the cake.
I tried to explain this to her, but she just pointed at me and screamed “You dummy!” even louder. Finally, the rest of my family suggested that I leave and take the cake with me. I have to admit I was a little hurt that everyone wanted me to go, but I could sort of see their point. My grandmother had been screaming “you dummy” at me for almost five minutes. So finally, I packed up the cake and gathered my things to go.
As I was leaving, in a last ditch effort, I told my grandmother that I was sorry I’d upset her and hoped she had a happy birthday. I thought maybe I’d gotten through to her because she finally stopped screaming and just looked at me.
Then, after several seconds of quiet reflection, she turned to everyone at the table and said “I never liked him.”
The actors were a little perplexed when I gave them a birthday cake that read “Happy 96th Grandma.” I had the distinct feeling that they thought I was giving them a stolen cake, and that somewhere my grandma was sobbing over her missing dessert. However, it certainly didn’t stop them from devouring the cake.
As I watched the actors eat, I thought about my grandmother’s insistence that “yellow cake is for dummies,” how I am done revising the script, the fact that the future of my play and of my career as a playwright is now in the hands of Brad and the actors, and I silently hoped that my grandmother is wrong on both counts.
A Real Updateby Brad Dunn, Director on 9/5/08
I thought it might be a good time to provide a real update as to where things stand with the show. Scott and I will continue to snipe at each other in the next entry... It’s not that I mind Uranusby Brad Dunn, Director on 9/4/08
I mean, as a joke, it’s fine. But Metropolis is a community organization, a civic-minded theatre that produces great work on stage, and I’m not sure that our audience out here will enjoy Uranus jokes all that much. I mean sure, we can push the boundaries a bit. Since it’s a late night show, we can get a little rough around the edges. But performing comedy is harder than just writing poo-poo jokes, Scott. I appreciate your attempt to bring your humor to the internet, but without the capacity to perform it, frankly I think it loses some of its umph. If you will. Darb Nnud Si A SuffooD. Sunaru. Sunaru. Sunaru.by Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/3/08
So Brad Dunn, the director of Indecent Proposals, gave me a very stern reprimand for my last blog. He was very unhappy with my mention of Jupiter and Uranus in my last blog. Apparently Brad hates astronomy. I know that because we had a very awkward phone conversation this morning. It went something like this:
Scott: Hello?
Brad: Dude, what’s your problem?
Scott: What do you mean?
Brad: You can’t say Uranus in your blog!
Scott: I can’t?
Brad: Dude, you know you can’t.
Scott. Oh. Can I say Neptune?
Brad: (Deep breath) I hate you.
(Click.)
Okay, so I know I can be a little immature. But I have this theory that all the things I do that make Brad so angry with me in “real life” are the same things that make our theater collaboration work so well. I write things that tend to be (slightly) outrageous, and Brad takes them and brings them to life on stage in this sincere and compelling manner that makes the scenes way, way funnier than they are on paper.
I think (hope) that’s what is going to make Indecent Proposals so funny. I am very fortunate to be able to collaborate with such a smart and talented director.
So I would like to take this moment and apologize to Brad for anything I have said or written that may have offended him. Particularly the title of this blog, which, when read backwards, contains a secret message.
the truthby Brad Dunn, Director on 9/3/08
The thing that Scott neglected to mention was that he had to go to Starbucks because his wife came home and heard him yelling in his best trashy female voice, “Kill that *&^%$!” ; “Kill that -----!”; “Kill that ~@#$!” Writing Comedy Isn't Easyby Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/2/08
It’s not easy to write comedy. There are literally hundreds of ways to ruin a joke (which I know from experience), such as a weak punch-line, lack of timing, going too far or not far enough, a bad set-up, and choosing the wrong word.
A lot of people aren’t aware how important a single word can be.
For example, saying “Your mouth is as big as Jupiter” is not nearly as funny as saying “Your mouth is as big as Uranus.” (I wonder if I’m allowed to say Uranus. Brad’s probably going to yell at me again.) Uranus is just naturally a funny word, and when writing a comedy, you obviously want to do everything in your power to make people laugh, so the goal is to get rid of as many Jupiters as you can and fill your script with Uranuses (Uranusi?) as possible.
One line from Indecent Proposals that was particularly troublesome for me involves a female character screaming out, “Kill that -------!” For the life of me, I could not come up with a word to put in that blank that seemed funny and would fit the character – a twenty-something trashy woman.
After hours of frustration, I typed a list on my laptop of possible sentence endings, all of them falling under the heading of what I’ll euphemistically call the “expletive category.” After I finished the list, I took it and began to say the lines out loud as if I was a trashy twenty-something female (which wasn't easy), each time finishing the sentence with a different expletive.
So there I was, staring at my laptop, yelling over and over in my best trashy female voice, “Kill that *&^%$!” ; “Kill that -----!”; “Kill that ~@#$!” Until finally, I found the perfect word.
Unfortunately, in my mixture of frustration and enthusiasm, I had forgotten I was at the Palatine Starbucks, and for the last 20 minutes, I had been screaming “Kill that (random curse word)” in a falsetto voice in a room full of suburban moms, all of whom were staring at me as if I was, well, a 6’6” white male who had been shrieking “Kill that ----!” while doing my best female impersonation.
I tried to explain what happened to the manager, but shockingly, she didn’t find it very funny and asked me to leave.
The rest of the play was finished at Caribou Coffee.
This Show Is a Bad Idea!by Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/1/08
Four years ago, I married into a blue collar, Italian family. Since that time, it’s become increasingly apparent my In-laws don’t think that they lost a daughter, but rather, they’ve gained another daughter due to three masculine shortcomings they feel I have. 1.) I’m a vegetarian. I’m not preachy or militant about it, my wife’s not a vegetarian, and I’ve never tried to convert her (or anyone for that matter), but man does it infuriate them. They like to invite us to dinner and try and sneak flank steak in whatever they’re serving in the hopes I’ll eat it. (Part of me worries it’s Draino, but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.) 2.) When something breaks, I can’t fix it myself. This alone would drive my in-laws nuts, but I compound the problem by not calling them. I actually pay a repairman. They can’t understand why I ‘d rather pay a stranger to fix something and leave, then have my father-in-law come over and tell me repeatedly that in Italy even the 4-year old girls know how to fix a toilet, shingle a roof, lay the foundation for a new sub-basement etc., 3.) I wear my wife’s clothes. Kidding. No, the worst thing I do, the number one cardinal sin that makes them think I’m not a man is…. I value my wife's opinion. My in-laws very much have a 1950’s sensibility when it comes to how women should conduct themselves and how men should relate to them.
Things got especially bad last January which I like to term “The Winter of What Kind of Man.” What kind of man can’t fix the furnace? What kind of man lets his wife talk to him like that? What kind of man doesn’t eat beef shank? “ For everything I did, there was a “What kind of Man…?” And for a long time, I took the high road and didn’t respond, but finally, after months and months something cracked. A little voice in me said, I”LL SHOW YOU “WHAT KIND OF MAN!! THE KIND OF MAN THAT PUTS HIS IN-LAWS IN HIS NEXT PLAY!!!”
And so I did, and I captured them as accurately and unbiased as possible. And as characters in a play, they’re really funny. I mean really funny. The actors love playing them, the director loves delving into their characters, and I love watching them all have discussions like “What do you think these character’s motivation is for being so awful to each other?”
And the bigger the characters get, the greater the delight I take. It is validation, vindication and I can’t think of another “v-word”, but it’s that too. I’m great to see I'm not the only one who thinks they’re absolutely nuts and loves laughing at them.
Unfortunately, something completely unforeseen (and straight out of a sitcom) happened last night. I was having dinner with my in-laws, and my mother-in-law started telling me how the daughter of one of her friends came to my last show and couldn’t stop talking about how much she enjoyed it. So much so, that they all got to talking and my mother-in-law brought tickets to opening night for the entire extended family.
Not good.
On Becoming a Playwrightby Scott Woldman, Writer on 9/1/08
I wrote my very first play when I was in fifth grade.
It was performed for my family, my friends, and my friends’ moms; although I must admit they were somewhat of a captive audience. We were all gathered at the long defunct Goodman’s Restaurant in Northbrook to celebrate my tenth birthday.
We had just finished watching the magical stylings of “The Amazing Bob,” and I was opening my final present and was incredibly dismayed to discover that it was not the Atari 2600 video game system I had been hoping for, but rather, yet another brown sweater, only distinguished from the dozen others I had already received by the fact that this one had a yellow parakeet on it (because nothing says cool like a yellow parakeet). In fact, I was so dismayed that I jumped up onto my feet and launched myself into my very first play.
The play featured two characters, and I played them both. Character One was a spoiled and miserable ten-year old boy named Scotty who did not get an Atari 2600 for his birthday as he had asked. Character Two was the mother of the ten year old boy.
In order to help distinguish between the two characters, for the character of Mom, I shoved my fists into my shirt and stretched it forward at about chest level in order to give myself a more feminine appearance and talked in a falsetto voice while my mother and the mothers of my friends stared on in slack-jawed horror and disgust. The play went something like this:
Mother: Hey, Scotty. Happy Birthday. Here are your presents.
Scotty: Awesome! I hope one of those boxes is an Atari 2600!
Mother: Nope! They’re all sweaters, except for that new Dictionary and the Encyclopedia Brown books! You know how you love Encyclopedia Brown!
Scotty: What! Are you kidding me?! Encyclopedia Brown’s the worst!
Mother: Scotty, reading’s good for you!
Scotty: So is having friends, Mom! Why can't I get a present that's not gonna get me whaled on!
The play ended when the playwright’s mother dragged him by his ear into the Women’s Bathroom (another tremendous indignation), and administered a vigorous pummeling. The playwright then had to go out and deliver a teary-eyed apology to his friends and their mothers and tell them that the party was over.
If you have read my first blog, you’ll understand that I expect Indecent Proposals to end much the same way.
Political discourse that’s fit to shareby Brad Dunn, Director on 8/29/08
So much political discourse these days tends to be pretty biting and harsh, whether one way or the other. And being that Metropolis is a community organization, I think the proper stance is one that is polite, and neutral. But a beautiful and awesome little piece of work has come along that I think is amazing and worthy of showing to anyone. I’d like to share it here. There’s a poem in this showby Brad Dunn, Director on 8/28/08
Something that you may not know about Scott Woldman is that he is a wicked-excellent poetry writer and performer. He’s been a finalist at the National Poetry slam competition as part of Chicago’s National Poetry Slam team, and was a regular at the Greenmill’s weekly poetry slam competition. The Greenmill, by the by, is the birthplace of Slam Poetry. Two instances of technology helping process: Or, how I learned to stop worrying and enjoy having a great Stage Manager.by Brad Dunn, Director on 8/26/08
Several nights ago, we were rehearsing a scene that involves a very popular, well-known song. We didn't have the actual song yet, because rehearsals just got started a week ago, and we're only blocking the scenes right now (putting in the physical movement of the actors). But as it turned out, having the song would have been great for helping the actor, Geoffrey Carlson, work out his timing for a joke. As I was talking to the actors, Geoffrey and Michelle Weissgerber, about the scene, my Stage Manager, the wonderful Allison Orr, opened up iTunes on her MacBook, bought the song. She had it cued up to the exact spot by the time we ran the scene again. I didn’t even know she did it. But all of a sudden the song started playing right on cue. It was great. My Director Says I Can't Write.by Scott Woldman, Writer on 8/22/08
Okay, that may not be a hundred percent accurate. Brad Dunn, the director of Indecent Proposals, didn’t tell me that I can’t write, but rather suggested quite strongly that I should try to write more about “the creative process” of writing Indecent Proposals. He feels that I should try to avoid personal anecdotes and talk more about how Indecent Proposals came to be written.
I certainly don’t wish to upset Brad. Besides being a talented actor and director who has been involved with all of my shows, I consider him a good friend. If Brad wants me to avoid personal anecdotes and focus more on how I wrote Indecent Proposals, I can certainly do that. I mean, the last thing I want to do is upset my director.
Okay. How I wrote Indecent Proposals sans anecdotes.
Indecent Proposals had its beginning sometime during the summer of 1980, just before I entered sixth grade. That was when I really started noticing how much I liked having an audience. My father had just given me my first over-the-head monster mask. It had big alien bug-eyes, fangs and long gray hair. The eyes bugged out in such a way that you couldn’t see the eyes of the wearer. It was pretty gruesome and very realistic (i.e. It rocked!). I had been trying to scare my mom for about a week straight and she was pretty tired of me popping out of the pantry, or the laundry room, or her closet, and felt I needed to go play outside with my brother, Jon.
So I took my brother and my monster mask and went outside. Not really being one for sports, I decided it would be fun to try and scare oncoming traffic with my mask. Therefore, Jon and I stood on the curb and I pretended to strangle him while wearing the monster mask. Hilarious! Unfortunately, although it was fun for awhile, more people were laughing than were truly being frightened. I decided I needed to go bigger.
I went inside and got my sister’s white comforter and a bottle of ketchup. First, I doused the comforter. Then, I stood on top of the fire hydrant in front of the house and draped the blanket over myself and the hydrant, so I looked about 7 feet tall. Then I made Jon cover himself with ketchup and lie at my feet. Talk about immediate results!
Cars were swerving , honking and stopping to stare. A couple people even pulled over to see if Jon was alive. In less than twenty minutes, I must have been called “sick” by almost a dozen people (very awesome)! Unfortunately, one of those people must have called the police, because in short order, a squad car pulled up, a police officer got out and made me get off the hydrant and give him my mask and my blanket. That was when my brother, who was still covered with ketchup and playing dead started screaming. Apparently, he was lying on an anthill and I guess ants love ketchup. Who knew?
Boy, was my mother angry when she opened the door to see a police officer hosing down my brother. Then she saw the comforter. I was grounded for the entire summer.
And from there, I’m sure it’s quite obvious how Indecent Proposals came to be written.
p.s. Brad, I hope this is okay. Let me know!!
So, does this mean we should change our Facebook status?by Brad Dunn, Director on 8/21/08
We began last night telling stories of relationship beginnings and endings. One of our actresses told a great story. During that awesomely awkward period of dating when both people are clearly smitten, but no official status has been unanimously recognized, she had to introduce her boyfriend to someone they ran into at the mall. But since he wasn’t yet officially her boyfriend, she introduced him as “dude.” [ED. NOTE: She used his name, I’m calling him dude here] The Writerby Brad Dunn, Director on 8/20/08
If I haven’t made this clear yet, Scott Woldman, the playwright of this show is a very talented guy and a good friend. He’s also going to be joining me on this blog, which should make things much more interesting. first rehearsalby Brad Dunn, Director on 8/18/08
A few facts: This will be the fourth show that Scott Woldman has written. I've been involved in all of them. I was in Thinking with Your Head... Men Exposed and Dates from Hell, and I directed Speed Dating the Musical. This show, Indecent Proposals, I am also directing. 'tis doneby Brad Dunn, Director on 3/30/08
I couldn’t feel more ecstatic about, or proud of, last night. I feel completely fulfilled today. Milestone Weekby Brad Dunn, Director on 3/16/08
Today was full of interruptions, sitting around, and was very productive. Stumbling throughby Brad Dunn, Director on 3/9/08
Thursday March 6 was our “off-book” day. This is the day the actors are expected to have all their lines memorized and to rehearse without a script. Though they are allowed to call for a line. We also ran our first “Stumble-throughs” during the week. a productive and exhausting weekby Brad Dunn, Director on 3/2/08
We spent three nights solidifying the choreography for the show this week. Kristen (Jacobson) has been doing an amazing job dealing with having nine characters who are all equal in importance. She hasn't had the luxury of having people she could push upstage and get out of the way. Instead, with it being an ensemble piece, all the characters are constantly dancing across, up and down stage, switching partners, and the focus is constantly shifting. a live test and a long dayby Brad Dunn, Director on 2/27/08
We had a great opportunity today to put scenes and songs up in front of a live audience. Fremd High School in Palatine has an event they call Writer's Week, which Scott had performed at before. It showcases literary works of students as well as published authors, lectures and other arts types. week twoby Brad Dunn, Director on 2/24/08
There are many components to a musical - singing, dancing, script and character work. Speed Dating adds a few others into the mix, including improvised bits and some minor combat. It's a lot to cover for sure. first weekby Brad Dunn, Director on 2/17/08
It was certainly not the week I expected. George Winston's visitby Robin M. Hughes, Director on 12/18/07
Hello, all! This is my first blog entry as Metropolis' Casting Director and Company Manager. I have worked at Metropolis since 2002 when I came to Metropolis' first general season auditions. Since then I directed and acted in many productions at Metropolis and have taught acting and private coaching classes with the School of Performing Arts. I have had such a wonderful time working at the theatre and have seen many facets of it as it has changed over the years. My newest position at the theatre as Company Manager has been an amazing venture, and I have had the pleasure to work with many artists and actors at the theatre this year, including Koko Taylor, Denny Diamond, Poi Dog, and the casts of High School Musical, A Christmas Carol, Speed Dating and most recently Deathtrap, which started rehearsal last week. Our latest artist to arrive at Metropolis, George Winston, appeared last night to a sell out crowd (one of our fastest sellouts in MPAC history). George Winston has been my favorite musical artist for 23 years! Needless to say I have been excited about his visit for months now. Mr. Winston creates his own play list leading up to a performance which changes with each venue, and even his own tour manager does not know exactly which songs may be played each night. His concert was a compilation of pieces that are signature numbers for George, such as "Carol of the Bells" and "Landscape", interspersed with pieces that are tributes to jazz greats of the past. And, wow, the harmonica piece! Indescribable! In his pieces he gives as much attention to the use of silences and stillness, as he does to the riffs that he creates. I know every note of some of those pieces in my mind, and it was great to hear the variations and extensions on the themes that he develops from his own pieces. He told me after the concert that he has been working on the Laura Nyro piece for 37 years and has finally finished it. And the music that involves playing both the piano both on the outside AND inside the piano had an astounding affect on the way that the song sounded and reverberated. (For those who were there, remember the rhythmic repetition of the treble keys he played as he plucked out the melody from within?) George Winston's music is so inspiring that it threw me back to my younger years of teenage angst when I drove around in my father's mini-pickup with my George Winston tape playing at full blast over the speakers while I dashed to rehearse whatever the latest production I was in. I spent hours on the piano creating my own music filled with what I thought at the time was at least a shadow of the emotion and soul that Mr. Winston's music echoed. And I came near to flunking a music theory class in college because I was spending more time trying to compose music than learn the technique of how to compose. And here he was at Metropolis in this intimate venue (at the back of the theatre I was only 8 rows from George Winston) where even one sniffle from an audience member seems to interrupt the deafening silence that the audience held while listening raptly to each number. (Please don't open candy in a George Winston concert ever again - you know who you are!) Close enough to enjoy the percussive accompaniment of his stocking feet pounding out a rhythm with each song. Part of my job as Company Manager is to make sure that every aspect of an artist's visit at our performing arts centre runs smoothly. I take care of all aspects of hospitality, like booking hotels, ordering food, setting up their dressing room according to their contract. Mr. Winston was the easiest artist I have managed yet, a kind and unassuming individual performing in jeans, sweatshirt and socks (no shoes!), who is truly about the music, not the "show" part of show business. Interesting tidbits about Mr. Winston's visit is that he is likes only lamps, no overhead lighting. He loves Steinways to perform on the best. He has to stay in a room that the windows open - for the fresh air. And he practices the piano and his other instruments every night from 12-5:00am, even on nights that he performs! He and his tour manager, Larry Rust, are some of the kindest and easy going individuals, and it was a pleasure to meet and work with them. I look forward to seeing him again next year - because, guess what, yes, he is returning next season for two shows in December! Until then, best wishes to Mr. Winston and Larry Rust while they tour, and safe travel back to us for the holidays. Robin M. Hughes Casting Director/Company Manager - Metropolis And on the subject of everyone having just metby Brad Dunn, Director on 12/10/07
That's one of my favorite things about theatre. A large group of people convene, many having never met one another, and then just get to work. There's no other profession like it. Where else do you walk into a room and begin making tiger sounds and kitten claws at someone else and it's fully accepted and supported. IT'S ALIVE!by Brad Dunn, Director on 12/8/07
It's unbelievable. I always thought the script was funny. From the first time I read it to the 15th time - always funny. But it's just not the same as hearing it out loud, with real voices. first read-throughby Brad Dunn, Director on 12/7/07
Tomorrow we're having a read-through of the show. All the actors but one will be there to meet, read, work on a bit of music, digest some of the script and do a quick read-performance of the musical. A fear I likeby Brad Dunn, Director on 11/7/07
Rehearsals begin February 12, which is an insanely long time from now. the first entry... ever.by Brad Dunn, Director on 10/12/07
This is the first-ever Metropolis Performing Arts Centre blog entry. Not an exciting lead-off sentence, but factual. |
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